I've done that shit again where I scare myself so fucking bad I can't go to sleep.
God forbid I can be scared about normal things like zombies or curses or something, I have to get deep into my own psyche and terrorize myself with thoughts of death and the end of forever.
Christfuck it's scary shit.

Anyway I'm planning on selling my cello on craigslist or something because God forbid I'm going to learn to play it. I'd rather play trumpet, I've sort of always wanted to.
Well I bought it for like 200 but I'm going to see if I can't sell if for 500 because you know, I'm a cheap whoring bastard and what they won't know won't hurt them. I need to save the money up to buy a car, anyway. Then I'll be one step closer to living with Nikki, and we all know that will be fun.

Oh speaking of being a cheap whoring bastard I think my dad thinks I'm insane now. Yesterday we were standing on the dock and he says he'll give me twenty dollars if I run down the hill from the house, off the dock and into the lake. I looked at the water, and this exchange occurred.

"You'll really give me twenty?"

"You'll really jump into the lake?"

"Shit yeah, for twenty dollars I will."

"That's nasty water."

"It's just water, the stuff at Lake Carolina wasn't any better and we swam in that."

"It's going to be cold."

"I don't care."

And then he sort of gave me a look and walked of towards the house.
I would have jumped, too. I think the next warm day we have I'll do so.
There are huge fish in that lake though. I wonder if I could catch some with my bare hands. Like Tom Hanks in Castaway only without a spear HRAAAGH basically.

God I'm stressed anyway. I have to drive my mom to work tomorrow, then go re-apply for school because their computers somehow fucked up, then go pick her up and drop her back off at work or something, then somehow get home even though I will get lost on a one-way street, then apply for more jobs, then go pick her back up and take her home, then... fuck, then the next day I have a doctor's appointment where I get my insides scraped with a fucking rake, THEN they can tell me if I have polycystic ovarian syndrome or uterine cysts or if I'm just slowly dying or some shit like that.

And on top of that, I'm thinking of dumping Hope because we have nothing in common and never ever ever ever get to communicate.
Plus I think internet dating is fucking retarded in the first place and she likes Twilight and Insane Clown Posse.
The last two are not legitimate reasons for me to break up with her but that's what I'm saying anyway because NOW I'm tired and am going to bed.

Mother of god I am in so much pain this is ridiculous
I went to visit my parents and sisters this weekend and we went on an 8K run and now my legs are just like "WHAT BITCH NO I'M MAD AT YOU" every time I stand up
It hurts
So bad

Oh also I bought FFX2 yesterday and it's such a bitch game and it's ridiculous and stupid
I kind of wish I'd gotten the regular FFX, I made a comment about starting the franchise with that game and suddenly I sparked a 20 minute final fantasy debate or something it was weird
Also this one guy was talking to me and helping me pick out RPGs when I was looking at PS2 games and he didn't even work there that was pretty cool or something

I don't care how annoying her voice is I'd have sex with Fran Drescher until my muscles stopped working.

ANYWAY

I'm kind of tired and I kind of want to go home and hang out with my dogs because I miss them
About as much as I miss my sisters
Rachel's getting out of basic in a couple weeks and then we'll be able to chill, called Rebekah the other night and she and Abby are both saying something along the lines of "come home and be friends with us again"

I didn't know I would be so missed really it's kind of a good feeling
My girlfriend lives in North Carolina though I'd like to at least hang with her a bit until I get some can actually enjoy her presence some, her daughter seems amazingly sweet too and I'd like to meet her

Ohoho dating people older than you is so fun, god I wish I had done it before

But yeah getting a girlfriend kind of boosted my self-confidence[hahah self-confidence what's that] my last two ended up A. breaking up with me B. dating me because it "seemed like a good idea at the time" or something and didn't particularly like me much I guess but if I can actively pursue someone and succeed in achieving girlfriend status then there must be a little bit to me

So I'm noticing how many older bands are on my computer, Oingo Boingo, Talking Heads, Pet Shop Boys, Depeche Mode, Billy Idol, Flaming Lips, The Beatles, Queen, Jefferson Airplane, The B-52's, Blondie, Bob Marley, The Guess Who and so on and so forth [Does Notorious B.I.G. count as older he's like nineties probably not, Cranberries don't either I think] and then I have a few newer ones like The Veronicas who I didn't think I'd like but actually do

Aside from that I drew a pretty rad monster today called [M]D'iD'wa[i|l|] and I want to scan it

And now for something completely different

http://www.webofentertainment.com/2009/10/25-hilarious-defaced-bills.html

I'm pretty sure Scarlet Valentine is my new favorite character

So if the average human lifespan is like eighty years and I'm twenty now, I'm one-fourth of the way to being dead.
Also two decades old.
Ten twice.
Five four times.
Four five times.
two ten times.
ETC.
My uncle got me an animation program, am trying to see if I can't make animations with it (obv.)

Really Really Bored.

Did you drop these mushrooms?
Or did you drop THESE mushrooms?
What the fuck is up with Sugar Mountain I don't even know Jesus
Ohhh I get it now.
Also I def. know the fable her stand is based off of, teehee teehee

SO APPARENTLY A FRIEND IN CALI HAS MET THE ELFMAN
And also he apparently goes to comicon or however the fuck you spell it like every year

SO GRAND MASTER PLAN
1. Buy plane ticket
2. Buy Comicon pass
3. Find Danny Elfman
4. GOGOGOGOGOGOGOGO
5. Digital camera possibly also pen+paper
6. ????
7. Profit!

Also article 5, subclause B states that I fulfill the one dream in life that I want more than anything right now
When I fanthing out, I fanthing out like a motherfucker.


Oh also I ordered a bottle of mint-chocolate nicotine juice for my e-cig today, huzzah and also some brown skinnies finally
that bullshit was like ninety dollars I don't fucking have that sort of cash.

early - Wake up
early - get Janet's coffee and morning pills
early - Get Janet's clothes, makeup, hairstuff.
mid-day - help Janet get out of bed and into the wheelchair, wheel her to living room
mid-day - we watch Bold & Beautiful.  Gurrrl, did you see what Ridge DID?
afternoon - possibly go buy stuff.  more battles with the wheelchair.
afternoon - start cooking.  I learn things but Janet is something of a kitchen Nazi.
evening - dinner.  This in the Clark household means talking about the grossest things you can think of, it's practically a tradition.
after dinner - everybody enjoys a cigarette except for Duncan because he is eleven.  We feed the cat our leftovers and then I help put away the dishes even though they tell me not to.
night - I Skype with Chris and Dom until I get tired.
night - draw something
night- sleep.


This has been my ongoing shcedule for a while now, I need to find something else to do or get my video games back.

Duncan's cat scratched me and now my thumb really hurts and although I wash my hands like thirty times a day+ I don't want cat-scratch fever and I'm all paranoid and scared.

She just admitted it.
I went swimming in the lake today, it was fun and nice aside from the one dead fish and the fact that I can't climb up a dock.

Now I'm going to bed.

WALKING DOWN THE STREET
ohgodohgod I didn't even like that song very much a couple days ago now I'm like "LET'S LISTEN TO DEAD MAN'S PARTY NOW OKAY"
So we walked up a mountain this morning and watched the sunrise, shit was so cash.  And pretty.  I nearly died, I need to stop smoking so much.  Anyway I have pictures and I need to resize them and then maybe post them or something (and then christfuck get a Nikon D60 because I'm practically lusting after Nicole's fucking camera) because they're just-that-great.
Speaking of that I need to take my lighter out of my carry-on, I don't want to lose it.  My Axe too.  And my hand lotion probably because God forbid I can carry even something that size on a plane when it's like light green and obviously not explosive.  I'm going to hold up a plane... with the power of CITRUS.  I've done it before.
So yeah I'm hopping a plane home today (technically tomorrow because fuck you sleep shcedules) and then we are going to my mom's family reunion where all her relatives can whisper behind their hands about how I'm gay and my (fucking hundred) cousins and I will stand around awkwardly and then there will be a religious shitting contest and I won't go to church and piss everybody off. :>  Unless she hasn't told them I'm gay, she told my dad's side so I don't know.
Yeah I'm going to see if I can't swipe some earphones on the plane so I can listen to my computer (because fuck yeah carry-on laptop cases) and possibly work on this picture.




Also I'm fucking scared as shit over taking this goddamn taxi.

Seriously the warden is just so awesome
I'm drawing him fanart now
Also I spent like six hours driving around Phoenix today, it was awful
We did the same thing Friday
Also our car is dead so I'm about to put my savings into us getting a new one.

I have the most painful stomachache I've ever endured.
I suspect chest-bursting aliens, which is just going to ruin my day.

Also David Tennant, completely naked.
Also Murdering my sisters with a straight razors, Graverobber selling pizza, losing my teeth and being turned into toys.
I've had really weird dreams lately.